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Today I went out with a couple of people whom I forgot to take picture with.. :/

First, I went for drawing lessons in the morning. Oh yes, I haven't mentioned that I'm taking drawing lessons, at first it was realistic drawing of things. But now, we are having lessons on figure drawing. Today's lesson was specifically on the human head. I swear I took forever to draw the head perfectly (not really perfect. but I'm kind of a perfectionist) lol. And my sketch of the human figure..the legs are always too short relative to the upper part of the body. Probably boring you guys out with the talk about my drawing lessons. Moving on!

After that, we went to pick up my new phone. HTC One M8. We have a $500 voucher so it was rather a great deal (considering I'm selling my old phone for like $220).

I promise, things get more interesting here onwards. I went out with this girl I know since May 15. (Or rather this was the first time I struck a conversation with her) I don't usually start conversations by the way. Rephrase!! I don't usually start a conversation with people I haven't speak to before. That's more accurate haha. Don't ask me why I did. Hmm, I guess it was rather natural. Maybe the music from the Strings Concert made me high or something. Actually, the more probable reason was that I found her interesting as we had a common liking for music.

Since then, we have been talking everyday? Or until either of us forget to reply. Or I piss her off HAHAHA :x hehe then I'll have to try and make her happy again which I do, of course. :P

Back to today, we were having lunch and we talked about rather personal stuff. This is why I am not revealing her identity. Maybe some people could guess who she is. But then again, I don't have much readers. I started telling her about what I feel about her life as I shared things I have thought through in the past few months. Kinda weird that I was saying those stuff tho. I mean coming from a single guy LOL. I should probably share more about what I feel about the theme or word or thing, love.

Alright before I move on, I shall talk about what happened after our mini misadventure HAHAHA
I went on to meet Ben and Wei Chuan. Actually, they came to meet me at Orchard. (Sorry that you have to go back home alone though! -to the one who called me James) We had food at Far East Plaza. I didn't really eat much because I had super late lunch. What was important is the topics we were talking about. It used to be about school life, gaming etc. Now, we were talking about life in general. The principles and values each of us have and consider important. Events so personal that none of us have talked about to anyone other than ourselves on sleepless nights.  

What is love? I have asked my dad, yes my dad, about this. He says it's indescribable. I agree with him. No one can truly define love, like really. Is it a feeling? Is it something that truly exists? Or could it just be a more intensified version of infatuation and affection? We talked about relationship, friendship, girls (yes, girls. but not in the sexual way, of course), and the way we look at things in life.

Now to share my insights after all the conversations I had with the three people I was out with today.

Let me start with relationship. I'm sure that at some point in time, in everyone's life, we deem appearance as the number one criteria in our potential partner. I always thought this was bad and thought that I didn't think that way. But, in hindsight, I did. Only now, maybe I'm a little slow, then I realise what truly matters isn't what lies in the outside. As long as you find someone who loves you more than you love him/her, that person is the one. And if you think about it, it would be a cycle in which both parties continue to shower love onto each other and that is what I feel is love. (abstract shit isn't it hahahaha) Like I have said in my previous post regarding the aims in my life, what we could be feeling now could just be a false feeling due to an overwhelming need of attention from the opposite sex (same sex for some, and I'm supportive of such relationships by the way. Just to clarify, I am straight). As we mature and face tougher challenges in our lives, as we start to map out and set a certain age to settle down, we start to change our criteria in looking for a potential partner. Appearance will still remain as a criterion, no one can deny this but it will no longer be a strong determining factor. Factors like financial stability, attitude, temper, kindness etc start to fill up the top places in the long list of "must-haves". This doesn't mean that I am against people getting into relationships at our age. It is hard to determine what is the ideal age of getting into a relationship actually. Everyone has their own time. What I have for those single out there, is that you guess got to have faith, I guess..? I'm still trying to figure out for myself to hahahah. And for those in the grey zone or are already in a relationship, cherish it. You are definitely not sure if that person would be the one you wake up to every morning for the next few decades but you just have to keep in mind that that person could be the special one and go with the flow. Sooner or later, you'll find out things about the person, more specifically flaws in which they hide from you instinctively. Then, you have to decide if you would give all of you because you love all their curves and all their edges, and all their perfect imperfections. (see what I did there?)

Next up, I'll talk about girls and friendship together, since there's a thing about this dreaded place called the "Friend-zone". From the stories I have heard today, I can't help but just think about other stories I have heard and "stocked up" from my other friends. About how they are left hanging etc.

What I would like to focus on is the link most people in the friend-zone would find this relatable, the link between being nice and being friend-zoned. I have read countless articles written by experts and random people, shared by my friends on Facebook and other social networks. Some say that Nice Guys Finish Last. Some say that Nice Guys Finish Last only because their ladies come first. (I kind of agree with this a lot last time). Now, I find myself sitting on the fence. Is being too nice causing us to be thrown into the friend-zone?

Before I move on, I would like to say that I'm not implying that I'm a nice person. There are indeed many other people who are nicer than me, no matter how nice I think I was or can be.

Being a person who loves to read articles and watch documentary about psychology and human behaviour, I learnt that people tend to like mysteries. They like to solve a puzzle, piece by piece, no matter how much they would deny this. Well, I would say being questionable for awhile would definitely pique someone's interest. This is due to the fact that we like to discover new information, it's just how the brain is wired. :O This is why sometimes I lean towards being less of a "nice guy". You make them want to learn more about you. Sure, being the nice guy can work. But usually, it is taken for granted. At some point in time, there always has to be that phase, what my senior has named "flirt-ationship". This is the part where one party gives the slow replies and the other party sends more texts or start to wonder if the other person got bored or if there was anything wrong with the previous message. It's just inevitable, unless you are in an arranged marriage. Sometimes, we ask ourselves why are we caring so much about a person, why are so attached to a person which don't care as much. Then, we ask if it's our problem, that we are just overthinking and creating something out of nothing.
 
The worst part of being in the friend-zone is being afraid of saying how you truly feel. My friend said this "Relationships spoil friendships". It's very correct if you think about it for a brief moment. But in some point in time, both parties would start to be friends again and look further than the post "confession" time. This is only if they value the friendship well enough though. In reality, this doesn't happen often. People just bottle it up. You just can't bear the thought of not talking to the person again. What if he/she doesn't feel the same way? Will we still be friends? (I honestly feel like I'm a counsellor, HAHAHAHA)

You know the phrase close friends always tell each other? "I will always be here for you"? The phrase is sadly unfinished. The more correct phrase is "I will always be here for you until you find someone else". Sounds harsh, doesn't it? But I firmly believe that this is true, no matter how much I hate that this is a fact. Alright, enough about the girls and the friend-zone, I shall talk about friendship in other light.

You cannot satisfy everyone. I tried. But people called me two-headed, hypocrite and other stuff. I used to like a quote "You are either with us or against us". I fumbled upon it that day. You just have to pick a side, no wishy-washy "I'm neutral regarding this matter". Some people are immature and create unnecessary trouble. I like to remind myself that "those who mind, don't matter and those who matter, don't mind", even though there is bound to be someone who minds and matters. What we Singaporeans say "Bo Pian (Slang for No choice)". Just got to live with it, or you can try to talk it out diplomatically.

Closing up this long post, I just have to say that when you feel like you are at the lowest point in your life, believe that the only way you can go is up. For those who have been at the lowest point for a long while, you just have to outgrow it. Suck it up, move on. Tell yourself that you are stronger and better than this.

You know what they say, no one does a virgin. cos' life fucks 'em all.

2:28AM. Time to get some rest.  It has been a fulfilling night, thinking about who and what matters most to me. Who has been there for me even when I said they don't have to. So to those who actually finish reading the post, you probably mean a lot to me. I don't know if I would find someone better. But I am telling you this, you are not replaceable, even though all the talk I have made above says how replaceable a person can be. To those who called me and rendered help when I was at the lowest point in my soon-to-be 19 years of life, thank you for bearing with my mood swings, rants and emotional speeches. I haven't said this to many people, but I will always be there for you until you find someone better.

Life is harsh but we just have to deal with it.

-JJ.

P.S. Kudos to Ben for creating his genius URL.
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